Have Your Say: Religious or Civil?

As I was browsing the internet the other day, a friend popped a question (on msn) on what I thought about “inter-religious marriage”. Before filling my friend in with my opinion, I started googling civil marriage. As expected, several hits returned with the word “Lebanon” shinning in the title. Most of those articles supported civil marriage as it was asserted a solution for the Lebanese society’s religious/sect segregation, by allowing young couples from different religions to get married without having to alter their beliefs or religious practices. After reading all related articles on the topic and reflecting back on the time I have and still am spending in Lebanon, I wondered: can we really consider civil marriage a key solution to this society’s religious sects’ separation or are we basing our pro-civil marriage views on basic instincts and lovers’ dreams?

Going back to the conversation with my friend on msn, and as a moderately religious person (who loves and practices her religion), my views were mainly against the issue. I consider religious marriage vital for the long-term success of any relationship under the marriage “umbrella” for several reasons. Initially, marriage is a system created by and put forward by religion. Hence how can we bypass that and sign a piece of paper in court without any religious consent? This is why many agreed that civil marriage is considered a weak bond that can be easily broken and hence they would not consider it either. Others have pointed out that the fact that religion is not involved should create some doubt since “religious rights” are not guaranteed (that mainly include assets stated in some religions for either party involved in the pact). Of course, the main question that remains is: how will any children resulting from such a bond be raised? In my opinion, I thought it would be very difficult and would result in the children getting confused regarding the different religions, their beliefs and practices. It is not very realistic to ask the child to choose between either religion. I believe it is the parents’ role to guide their children through their respective religious beliefs and practices, and hence a conflict in religious views would hinder that role from being executed.

On the other hand, those for civil marriage argue that religion should never be the reason to separate people. In fact, since all main religions around the world call for peace, love and honesty, people should find religion a resort and a solution to solve their problems and break down all obstacles. In addition, civil marriage is viewed as an internationally recognized contract and hence is flexible. Regarding children, it was said that they should be raised as believers, introduced to both religions and then left to choose to choose their own religious practices as long as they are believers in God. An interesting view that was also put forward was that civil marriage is a solution for the “belonging” problem (i.e. belonging to a certain religion, country, ethnicity….culture). So, it would free people from all those ties and taboos that are inherited, hence decreasing restrictions and divisions around the world.

Yet, another question is raised here: can we free ourselves from our cultural and religious ties with a small signature on a piece of paper? As one colleague put it: “religion and culture go hand in hand. It was never religion that separated people. It is in fact the cultural background that goes with it”. Actually, after reading several case studies of civil marriage in the Middle East, the longevity of such cases is indeed affected by the incoherent diffusion of the two cultural circles of either party. In reality, the cultural aspect is valid since both parties agreed to overlook their religious differences, but for some reason they still fail to sustain their marriage.

When I laid my views out in the open, I was judged as being radical, strict, extreme and rigid. Since this type of marriage was proposed it has been the focus of many debates. So, I want you to have your say: religious or civil?