The red season of love is back. The flower shops, the gift shops, the clothing stores, the book shops and even pharmacies, all have their red hearts decorations put up and ready for the lovers’ day: Valentine’s Day! As I was heading to have dinner with friends, I couldn’t help but smile at the red color covering Beirut and the couples holding hands and strolling lazily down the bustling streets of Hamra. As we chatted our way through dinner, one of my friends shared the flyer that the Lebanese Red Cross AIDS committee would be using on this year’s Valentine’s Day to promote safe sex using condoms (as is always the case every year). Most of us loved this year’s slogan and flyer design when another friend mentioned his opposing opinion to such an activity which in some way promotes premarital sexual relationships. He argued that the Red Cross is actually saying “It’s okay to have premarital sex, as long as you’re having it in a safe way”. I was surprised by such an argument coming from a fully educated, exposed and experienced Red Cross member. Of course the debate started on whether this campaign is appropriate or not, and I started wondering: Are we still so unaware of the realities of our sexual relations in the light of today’s deeply high tech, “globalized” and open society? Or do we tend to dismiss the reality of people having sex outside the context of marriage due to strict religious views, values and beliefs?
The argument here is not whether premarital sex is right or wrong. It is the fact that values, morals and concepts in our somewhat conservative society have changed due to the global media, cross-cultural exchange and globalization. So, people are having sex outside the context of marriage whether we like it or not. It is this reality that we should understand and accept before making judgments on initiatives, like that of the Red Cross AIDS program’s, which targets the reality of sex in order to decrease its drastic effects that comprise unwanted pregnancies and STDs (including HIV that tops the list).
Regarding religious views, the strict catholic stream of thought promotes abstinence, as the use of contraceptive methods, especially condoms, is forbidden. As far as my knowledge goes, all main religions encourage marriage and sticking to one sexual partner. Yet, it is Islam that recognizes sexual needs as a basic instinct that comes with the creation of every creature and hence it is realistic when it comes to the fact that people could engage in haphazard sexual relations not only to reproduce but to fulfill their sexual innate desires. So, marriage in Islam came as a solution to those random relations (that existed before Islam) which resulted in unwanted children and the spread of many diseases. In other words, we should all accept the presence of sexual needs since birth and the fact that those needs reach their peak during the years of adolescence onwards (with varying degrees from one person to the other).
However, this acceptance is still not the case in many societies of the oriental world. Many parents across the region fail to educate their children and teenagers on various sexual issues since they’re still considered taboo. Hence, youngsters reside to other abundant resources (the internet, TV satellite channels, books, magazines, friends, etc..) in order to find answers for their questions. This lack of proper sex education plays a key role in a range of physiological and psycho-social problems that some might suffer from. Therefore, the first solution to our problem would be to raise awareness among the older generations on the fact that our societies have developed in such a way that we are accessing a vast amount of information from a variety of sources. This means that the silent approach to sexual issues is not valid anymore and we need to intervene aggressively in the younger generations’ perceptions on the matter through accurate sex education.
Another factor also affected by this extensive globalization phenomenon is the alteration of moral values, in the sense that premarital sexual relationships and cohabitation are becoming more and more apparent in our societies. Each one of us has been brought up in a specific way that included religious and moral primary and secondary orientation. So, it is only one’s choice to get involved in any premarital sexual experience, since one supposedly knows right from wrong. Ultimately, our role is to recognize the reality of such relationships in our societies and raise awareness on their dangers. This would have a double effect on such occurrences: deter people from engaging in premarital relations because of fear of their consequences, and simultaneously decrease the effects of those relationships (unwanted pregnancies/diseases) through promoting mechanical contraceptives (i.e. condoms).
The main conclusion is that our societies need to wake up and be aware of the many changes and foreign introductions that have been made from the outside world. We live in a “small village” and we should acknowledge the bold truths that come with that existence including the truth about sex.
Beirut 10.2.2008
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