The white veil, topped with a sparkling tiara drops softly on her shoulders, vaguely revealing her beautifully done golden hair. She checks herself one last time in the mirror, presses her lips together, glances swiftly at her nails, holds her fresh flower bouquet, turns around studded with her white gown and smiles as the camera shutter clicks away. He stands by her side, his arms around her waist, flashes his bright smile as he lovingly looks into her eyes and swipes her off her feet for another picture shot in motion. The beautiful couple makes their grand entrance to the ballroom, smiling widely at the gathered crowd of friends and family. They make their way into a new life filled with ups and downs that they vowed to share together from this day on.
Dressed up in long silky gowns, our high heels clack their way to the ballroom dance floor. We’re all smiling widely at the princess of the night dancing around with her prince and waving at the gathered perfectly dressed up crowd. As I clap my hands away, I look around me at the potential bachelors and bachelorettes as they spend the night checking each other out, trying to look for their own prince and princess; and I start wondering: why do people get married?
Reproduction and hence continuity of life is naturally the first answer one can bring up. Religiously, people could argue that God created two sexes of all creatures on earth for them to mate and reproduce. So, this is how life is meant to be. Yet, maybe we should dig a little bit deeper and look at the social forces that drive one to act in a certain way in the presence of a potential member of the opposite sex.
The oriental social forces are more pronounced than the western ones. In this part of the world, the pressure mainly lies on the single females of the society, due to several reasons. The fact that females have been historically dependent on men, in terms of food, shelter and clothing provision could be the first reason. The society believed that it is not important for a girl to advance in education and employment since she will eventually marry and depend on her spouse to “hunt and gather” while she bears children and executes her duties as a wife (i.e. sex tool and maid around the house). Nowadays, this perception did change dramatically, since generations have evolved to believe that female education is important for a more developed society, and females have grown stronger and more verbal to demand this right. Consequently, females also demand their right to delay marriage and choose their own spouse at the right time. However, many societies in the oriental world, especially low-income ones, do not see the new age picture of marriage and female education, mainly due to the fact that they cannot afford to educate their daughters. Hence, the latter are forced to get married to the first potential bachelor to decrease family members and hence the pressure of feeding an extra hungry stomach. Unfortunately, some societies still choose to bury their girl children in order to reduce their spending, which they cannot afford, as they are afraid that she might not marry and hence remain as a burden.
In some parts of the Arab world, female education and work are currently two distinct aspects. It is apparent that girls are earning high degrees in education which allow them to travel around the world and engage in professionally challenging and long-term experiences; thus the personal choice of delaying marriage and refusing tens of traditional proposals. However, social pressures took a different shape here, which brings us to the second reason of why people get married. Of course the phenomenon of “fixing up couples” is still apparent in the Arab world. Yet, the reason is not because of poor families that cannot support their daughters. It is because of the social stigma that is initiated once a girl reaches the age of 25 and above. The minute the clock arm hits 12 am and a girl turns a certain age, she is swarmed by “fixed up” potential grooms sent by the older female generation. Once the same girl exceeds a certain age while still single, social labels are unleashed against her, including: handicapped; suffers from terminal illness; lost her virginity (another long argument about Arab hypocrites and honor crimes); socially spoiled; arrogant and incompetent. So, females find it easier to make the choice of marriage rather than to suffer from such social stigmata.
When it comes to males, the pressure is not as obvious; mainly because of their social status which places them at the top end of the pyramid. Hence, they are expected to make the choice of marriage and select the potential partner when they feel the time is right; in other words, when they’ve earned enough money to start a family. Also, if males choose not to get married at all, they do not suffer the kind of social stigma as females do.
Unfortunately, nowadays the rates of divorce, break-ups and unhappy marriages are on the rise. This is a whole new argument that deserves further discussion. Nevertheless, it should be mentioned that the contradicting combination of advanced technologies, globalization, the internet and satellite TV along with social values and norms, plays a role in forcing many men to get married in order to satisfy their fiery sexual desires (since cohabitation and premarital sex are religiously and socially refused). This, among other reasons, thus leads to many questionable marriage institutions.
So, the question still stands: why do people get married? As Hollywood once put it: “people get married to have a witness to their lives”. Yet, it does take a little bit more than a movie to convince one to take the step forward and say “I do”.
Beirut
12.8.2008
Dressed up in long silky gowns, our high heels clack their way to the ballroom dance floor. We’re all smiling widely at the princess of the night dancing around with her prince and waving at the gathered perfectly dressed up crowd. As I clap my hands away, I look around me at the potential bachelors and bachelorettes as they spend the night checking each other out, trying to look for their own prince and princess; and I start wondering: why do people get married?
Reproduction and hence continuity of life is naturally the first answer one can bring up. Religiously, people could argue that God created two sexes of all creatures on earth for them to mate and reproduce. So, this is how life is meant to be. Yet, maybe we should dig a little bit deeper and look at the social forces that drive one to act in a certain way in the presence of a potential member of the opposite sex.
The oriental social forces are more pronounced than the western ones. In this part of the world, the pressure mainly lies on the single females of the society, due to several reasons. The fact that females have been historically dependent on men, in terms of food, shelter and clothing provision could be the first reason. The society believed that it is not important for a girl to advance in education and employment since she will eventually marry and depend on her spouse to “hunt and gather” while she bears children and executes her duties as a wife (i.e. sex tool and maid around the house). Nowadays, this perception did change dramatically, since generations have evolved to believe that female education is important for a more developed society, and females have grown stronger and more verbal to demand this right. Consequently, females also demand their right to delay marriage and choose their own spouse at the right time. However, many societies in the oriental world, especially low-income ones, do not see the new age picture of marriage and female education, mainly due to the fact that they cannot afford to educate their daughters. Hence, the latter are forced to get married to the first potential bachelor to decrease family members and hence the pressure of feeding an extra hungry stomach. Unfortunately, some societies still choose to bury their girl children in order to reduce their spending, which they cannot afford, as they are afraid that she might not marry and hence remain as a burden.
In some parts of the Arab world, female education and work are currently two distinct aspects. It is apparent that girls are earning high degrees in education which allow them to travel around the world and engage in professionally challenging and long-term experiences; thus the personal choice of delaying marriage and refusing tens of traditional proposals. However, social pressures took a different shape here, which brings us to the second reason of why people get married. Of course the phenomenon of “fixing up couples” is still apparent in the Arab world. Yet, the reason is not because of poor families that cannot support their daughters. It is because of the social stigma that is initiated once a girl reaches the age of 25 and above. The minute the clock arm hits 12 am and a girl turns a certain age, she is swarmed by “fixed up” potential grooms sent by the older female generation. Once the same girl exceeds a certain age while still single, social labels are unleashed against her, including: handicapped; suffers from terminal illness; lost her virginity (another long argument about Arab hypocrites and honor crimes); socially spoiled; arrogant and incompetent. So, females find it easier to make the choice of marriage rather than to suffer from such social stigmata.
When it comes to males, the pressure is not as obvious; mainly because of their social status which places them at the top end of the pyramid. Hence, they are expected to make the choice of marriage and select the potential partner when they feel the time is right; in other words, when they’ve earned enough money to start a family. Also, if males choose not to get married at all, they do not suffer the kind of social stigma as females do.
Unfortunately, nowadays the rates of divorce, break-ups and unhappy marriages are on the rise. This is a whole new argument that deserves further discussion. Nevertheless, it should be mentioned that the contradicting combination of advanced technologies, globalization, the internet and satellite TV along with social values and norms, plays a role in forcing many men to get married in order to satisfy their fiery sexual desires (since cohabitation and premarital sex are religiously and socially refused). This, among other reasons, thus leads to many questionable marriage institutions.
So, the question still stands: why do people get married? As Hollywood once put it: “people get married to have a witness to their lives”. Yet, it does take a little bit more than a movie to convince one to take the step forward and say “I do”.
Beirut
12.8.2008
